


Boy, He's Beautiful, but Boy do I Have No Chance

by emyhasarose



Category: South Park
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Genderfluid Butters, M/M, Teen Angst, prob some more ppl, theres some slight k2 but its just kinda sad tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-05-08 08:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5489900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emyhasarose/pseuds/emyhasarose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘ well now that’s just the thing, ain’t it. when i’m around him, i can’t breathe. and i think ‘bout how it was real easy when we were kids, but now it’s not. and when i’m far away, i’d rather be breathin’ his air. which sounds bad. but i don’t mean it to be. ‘</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is really heterosexual

‘ well now that’s just the thing, ain’t it. when i’m around him, i can’t breathe. and i think ‘bout how it was real easy when we were kids, but now it’s not. and when i’m far away, i’d rather be breathin’ his air. which sounds bad. but i don’t mean it to be. ‘ 

 

she had been his best friend. his closest companion since his friends started to ignore him more in grade school, and when he had started to become closer to her while they were off doing other things. kenny and her knew almost everything about each other by now, knew every breath and sound and movement they made, from the sound of their footsteps on the stairs to the exact buzzing of their phone when they texted them. there had of course always been jokes about them dating, about with how close they were it was surprising they hadn’t already, little teases as they got older. the idea had popped into his own head a few times, only to be shaken away with a small chuckle following the idea. no, marjorine was too close for them to ever actually get together, for them to be more than just close friends. even if he did entertain the idea, the thought of her actually being interesting in someone like him was more than strange to him. 

 

she was beautiful to him. her hair cut short and scruffy when not being covered by a wig, a beautiful blonde color that he had put his fingers through more than enough times and helped braid for her. her short stature left her a head shorter than kenny, something they had always teased each other about. he had told her about everything. from sex partner that he had to his father's drunken rages at his family to thoughts he had on the bus to school about life and death. and she had listened to every word, to every sentence and subject, more than patient with him. 

 

he was outside the school, with craig as a cigarette hung out of his mouth, lit orange. they didn’t speak much, which was something he liked with their friendship. the ability to get stoned with him, and to just smoke and have to not talk or interact with each other. taking a drag from the white stick, he thought of what she would say from seeing him do this. probably something like, ‘ each one you smoke makes your life six days shorter’.  to which he would rebut about asking how craig was still alive then and then she would give up and they would laugh. they hadn’t done that for a bit. 

 

her parents had never enjoyed him being close to their daughter, being such good friends with her, or really being alone with her. they were right to be. he was a bad influence on the girl, something which he knew more than enough, which was why he often tried to lie about his drug use to her, but that was besides the point. there had been another argument between them all. marj and him had been cuddling close, not even quite purposely, it just being something they did while watching movies, her parents coming in and throwing some sort of fit about all of it. kenny had been more than tired of them trying to control their daughter's life, trying to shout back, to stand up for her, something which he had never done for someone like her parents before. in the end, it had resulted in him being ‘banned’ from the stotch household, and her parents forbidding her to see her, even to the point of blocking him from her phone. in the end, he really didn’t care about it, about what they tried to do, knowing that in the end, he would be back, and that they couldn’t be separated. however, in the past few days, she had ignored his ever attempt to try and converse with him. he didn’t like it, and it had made the blonde irritable. 

 

‘ what the fuck happened to you and butters? ‘

he finally did look up as he heard the dark haired man besides him talking, craig glancing up at him from over top his cigarette. while it bothered him that the other didn’t use the right name for her on days she presented female, he knew that marj had told the others that they could still call him butters if they wanted to. at least most of the others were trying to do it. 

 

‘ her parents hate me. i got myself banned from their house and now apparently she’s not allowed to talk to me they even took away her phone and blocked me. fucking assholes..’ the boy muttered under his breath as he threw the cigarette into a nearby pile of snow. 

 

craig gave the blonde a bit of a strange look at how he had reacted, telling him to just chill, even if kenny had already went to head back inside of the school. lunch seemed to be almost over, most teenagers leaving the cafeteria. he stood by the door, watching others as they went out, scanning for marjorine. his eyes spotted the familiar head of hair, having seemed to not have noticed him as she came out with a few other girls, chatting along with them. however, one of those girls seemed to have spotted him, leaning over to speak something quietly to the rest of the group. while he had no idea what she had said to them, he did notice eyes looking over at him, some almost angry looking, and marjorine looking away from him. confused, he quickly maneuvered himself over to the girls once they had left the large room, him hooking his hand around her elbow to stop her, the rest of the group of girls stopping as well, a few feet away.

 

‘marjey? ‘ya’v been avoiding me all day. is this about last night? he’s not gonna know about ‘ya hanging out with me at school.‘ kenny tried to give her a grin and a small chuckle with it as he drew his hand back, stuffing them into his pockets. however, the girl just looked away from him, nervous seeming, which only scared him. he tried to keep his smile up, even if it showed his anxiety. the group of girls stayed, one of them sneering about something to another, but kenny didn’t care about them right now, even if he would send up a glare later. 

 

‘i, uh, heard somethings about ‘ya ken! not very good things, about you doing somethings, and i think my pop mighta’ been rite. you’re still ‘ma best friend, ken, but i think i’m gonna need, uhm, some time, ‘ya know? i gotta get to class ken, i’ll-i’ll see ‘ya later.’ and without another word from her, the girl who’s’ face had become flushed was now off, that group of girls swallowing her back up and leaving kenny there in the hallway, confused, and angry and so many other things. before his mind could even wrap his head around what he had heard, of course a familiar monotone voice came in from next to him.

 

‘you ok, kenny?’ craig asked as he patted the others back once lightly, glancing down at the slightly shorter male, before looking to the group who was walking further off, and who the poor kids eyes couldn’t leave. 

 

‘ what the fuck just fucking happened?’ was all that he knew to say, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about, what could make her just walk away from him like that and say such things. she agreed with her father? he had been defending her last night! defending that they were just friends and that he shouldn’t be punishing her for something like this, trying to put the blame for it all on himself. and now she was talking about some sort of rumor or shit that he had heard about him. craig said something that he hadn’t listened to before patting his back once more and leaving as the late bell for the next class rang, leaving him alone in the hallways, except for some stragglers running to class. 

  
  


fifth block was his free block, and by then he was dazed. he sat in the library, holding his head as he ignored the conversation that was going on between kyle and stan over something stupid. what had she been told? while kenny wanted to go and try and confront her, he knew she was in class, and knew that she wouldn’t tell him anything or just end up crying. neither of which he wanted. 

 

‘ kenny, you agree with me, right?’ kyle asked, turning to him, pursing his lips together once he saw the look on his face. he looked up to stan, giving him a small gesture with his eyes to see the state of the blonde.

 

‘ yeah.’ 

 

‘kenny, you okay? i heard the girls talking about something between you and but- shit, marjorine, earlier. ‘ stan asked, stumbling over his words for a moment as he tried to correct himself. there was a loud groan in response from kenny, head hitting down on the table to show his frustration with all of this. even if he might of hit it a bit too hard, swearing to himself at the pain. his head was soon lifted up, pale hand rubbing at his forehead. 

 

‘did something happen between you two?’ kyle asked. 

 

‘well i mean, except her wanting to take a ‘break’ of being friends, her apparently hearing something about some stupid shit that i did that makes her hate me, and her parents banning me from her house, we are just peachy!’ kenny answered, tone more than sarcastic. however, he soon mumbled a small apology under his breath, knowing the other two were just trying to help him and find out what was going on, and snapping at them like that was just a fucking dick move. ‘i’m tired.’ he tried to excuse his actions. 

 

‘i heard you and your bitch broke up, ken. you found out she had a dick?’ and there cartman was, pulling a chair back and plopping himself down next to the boy, only to get a light slap on the arm from kyle. ‘hey, hey, stan you gotta control your bitch too.’ another glare. 

 

kenny was too upset and tired to even tell him to fuck off, only a loud sigh from him, and he tried to drown out the wide set teens attempts at angering him. he didn’t really want to get into another fight with him, still attending detention for the last one. 

 

‘ you know, i over heard why they did, red was blabbering about it in class,’ blue eyes shot up to attention, needing to know. and of course, a smirk had come to the other at how much he wanted to hear, but kenny didn’t care right now. he needed to know what he had done wrong, what had made her seem to be almost scared of him. 

 

‘ apparently bebe told him at her house about how you do those drugs that fuck you up, which apparently you hadn’t told her about, the other girls told her about some of the shit you do at parties, i mean you do gotta stop going to all of those parties dude, but anyways. they tried to convince  her that you’re some mess and that she needs to stay away from you, so now they have been with her all day so that you can’t try ‘n talk to her.’

 

by the end of cartman’s explanation, there was more than a proud look on his face, and a small ‘oh shit’ from stan. meanwhile, kenny was just staring down at the table, fingernails trying to dig into the wood and keep himself from doing anything. the thing was, the rumor hadn’t been wrong. he knew that he took things that had started to take him down a fucked up lane, and the shit he did at parties, getting so fucked up that he didn’t even know who he was anymore. it was all right, but he had never wanted marjorine to find out that side of him, that side that he tried to keep hidden so that she didn’t think of him as that kid most for the girls did. as the druggie guy who slept with whoever he could, who got too wasted at parties and sold drugs to kids after school to make money. bebe was right, but it didn’t mean that he was anymore less upset over all of this. he didn’t know what to say, hearing a snort from cartman and some other new tease come from his mouth, one that he didn’t listen to or care about. he wanted to go and talk to her, to explain about how it was all some mistake and that he didn’t actually do any of that, but that would just be lying to her even more. there was a silence that was only growing thicker at the table, no one really wanting to say anything to kenny, stan and kyle whispering something to each other. 

 

‘don’t be such a little bitch about it, kenny. it wasn’t even like you were fucking shehe. oh shit, were you two fucking?’ cartman joked, a disgusting laugh following it. 

 

‘cartman, shut the fuck up. ‘ stan cut in. 

 

‘i was just askin’ him a question, put your dick away, stanley.’ arguing broke out between the other three, as kenny sighed once more and got up, not wanting to listen to this shit anymore. he considered getting high, but that would only reinforce the shit that had made marjorine not want to be near him anymore. he needed to find her, apologize, try to explain himself, and try to make this shit all better. he prayed to god that she would accept it, and that things could just be like they had been before and that they would be happy and best friends. however, god didn’t seem to answer his prayers very often. with his backpack on his shoulder, he headed out of the school and to the parking lot, and to that broken down truck of his, red with the paint peeling off of it, and an engine that started to shake if it went over 60 with a broken air conditioning. he remembered all the trips they had taken in that truck, all the times marj had told him to slow down or when they went to in and out real late and got everything they could and ate in the dingy parking lot listening to one of his many mixtapes he had made them because that damn car radio had been stolen years ago. he sighed softly to himself as he thought to himself about all of those past memories, a sad smile on his face. as he did approach his car, he saw her.

 

standing alone, most likely waiting for her dad to come and pick her up from school. normally, kenny would of just offered to give her a ride home, but today wasn’t a normally kind of day. seeing none of the other girls around her, he quickly started towards her. he wasn't even within ten feet of her when he started to try and apologize for what she had heard. 

‘marjey, i-’

 

when he had come close enough, he realized that it wasn’t her. the confused freshman stared at him as he stood there, out of breath from running over. ‘ shit, sorry.’ kenny quickly tried to apologize before sighing and turning around. he really needed to get some sleep if he was starting to mistake other people as her. it was a silent ride home. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter, kenny fucks up. again.

"You knock."

"No, you knock!"

"It was your idea to even come do this shit, you knock!"

"Seriously, guys? You're arguing over who's gonna knock on the door? I'll just do it."

With a sigh, Kyle lifted his hand up to the front door of the more than broken down looking house while Cartman and Stan stood behind him.

Kenny's house wasn't a place they really went to that often. Usually they hung out at Stan or Kyle's house all together, Kenny's usually being some last resort. They could remember the time that the boys father had come barging into the room drunk, starting to yell at Kenny over something that they had no knowlege to before the blonde received a sharp smack across the face. And then there had been the time that they had just heard the boys parents screaming downstairs at one another, sounds of things being smashed heard. Kenny's house wasn't the best to really hang out in and he didn't mind that fact.

It was Karen who opened up the door to them, boys hearing the sound of someone from inside the house asking who it was.

"Its just Kenny's friend, mom!"

"Good. Tell them to get that boy off his ass and out of his room!" The younger girl sighed slightly as she looked back to the three boys that now stood in her doorway, trying to give them some sort of smile, even if they could tell that it was mostly stained.

"Are you guys here for Kenny? Please help him, he hasn't come outta his room for a week except to just grab food." She explained to them, the worry oblivious in her voice as she opened the door to let them in.

"Yeah, he hasn't been at school for a while and we were pretty worried about him. We came to talk to him."

"I didn't."

"Cartman, shut the fuck up."

"Free country, Kyle." The red head just rolled his eyes as they entered into the home, not having time to deal with the large teen right now. He was focused on getting Kenny and just talking to him and hopefully solving all of this. The three soon headed up the stairs to what they knew to be Kenny's room, Kyle knocking lightly on the door whilst Cartman grumbled about this entire situation behind him. Calling out his friends name into the room, he slowly opened the door, eyes peering into the dark room.

Shades had been drawn and the room reeked. While it did always smell kind of bad in this room, the smell of weed and old food made him cover his mouth for a moment to try and block it out as they stepped in. The room was a mess. Clothes had been scattered over onto the floor and empty dirty bowls were stacked up by the door. An ash tray was on the ground by the boys mattress, blunt on it still smoking slightly. Well, at least he was still alive. Or, he hoped so. The boys figure could be seen under some blankets on the bed, a groan from him as Stan switched the light on to the room.

"Jesus christ, Kenny.." Was muttered by Cartman, something that Stan and Kyle could agree too upon seeing the room in a better light. They could now see the boys blonde hair and face peering out from the top of the sheets, eyes watching the trio.

"You need to get out of here, Ken. I know this sucks, but you can't just do this whenever shit really bad happens. Come on, get out from under there." Stan spoke as he walked over to push aside the ash tray and pull the blankets off of the teen. It was met with annoyed grumbling from Kenny and him finally sitting up, legs criss crossed. He looked bad. Looked as if he hadn't slept this entire time, hair looking more than needing of a wash and in only boxer. His skin was riddled with sorts of scars, freckles covering his shoulders and upper back, but those had been there for what seemed like forever. He smelled like he hadn't even had a shower this entire time.

"Fucking christ, I didn't know Kenny had turned into a fucking zombie." Cartman groaned, looking disgusted at the boy as he sat there.

"Cartman, just shut the fuck up already."

"Why the fuck are you guys here?" The voice was slightly surprising, heads turning to look at the boy who was now looking at them, bags under his eyes deep and purple. Cartman was right, he looked like some sort of undead creature.

"To get you out of this damn room. You haven't been to school all week, Kenny and you're a mess right now. I'm sorry to say it, but you need to start getting over all of this. I'm sure he doesn't fucking hate you. It's Butters!" At the mention of the others name he just grunted. Just the saying of her name, even if not the preferred one made his mind go to her. To what she was probably doing and thinking of right now, how disgusted she would probably be if she saw the state that he was in now. The blue eyed boy just sighed once the other had finished, not wanting to admit that he was probably right that he should get over this. It had never taken him this long to get over something and he had never really gotten depressed with this sort of thing before, not even with past girlfriends. Why the fuck was he so distraught over her? Someone who was just his friend, even if she was a best friend.

"I know." He muttered under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair. Shit, it was pretty gross, making a small noise as he felt his hair.

"Come on, Ken, get up and go shower. Then we can go out and go some where you'll like. Like that Raisins place that you always like going to. It'll be fun, man. Plus, I don't think you've had any good food in a while." Stan suggested as he glanced back to the bowls that sat stacked by the door, now noticing the amount of empty bottles that were there, pursing his lips together. This shit really wasn't good for him. While they all knew that the boy had never really had a very healthy sort of diet with his poverty and just general not good eating, Stan was more than worried for his close friend. 

 

It had taken more than a persons effort to get him out of that damn room though. However, after almost two of trying to force the other to take a damn shower to the point of Stan just picking him up and putting him into the shower with his boxers still on, getting him actually dressed and out the fucking door, they were finally on their way, Kenny's hair still being pretty damp as they started to walk to the restaurant. Kyle, Stan, and Cartman had already gotten into some conversation, trying their best to get Kenny into it until they knew it really wasn't of use to keep trying so hard. His mind was too much on Marjorine. 

About what she had said to him. That she actually agreed with her parents, that now she knew all the fucked up things he did, and how everything the girl had been told was so right. Kenny wasn't a good person to have in her life. He swore, drank, got high just because he could, smoked, and slept around without even really much of a care about anything. Her friends had been right to make sure that he stayed away from her, most of those girls probably having seen the way he could be at parties. It made him want to change, want to quit all of those fucked up things that he knew would just strain any sort of relationship that he might ever have, if it be with Marjorine or really anyone else that he knew. Even with his friends now, they didn't like being around him when he did all those drugs and shit, not even Craig ever staying long when they got high. He was fucked up and he knew that the only person he could blame his own actions for was himself. Not even his fucked up parents who did the same thing. He was growing up just to be like his father. Soon to be a washed up dead beat that hit his children and had nothing to contribute to society. Just that thought made him want to throw up. 

"Kenny, are you even fuckin' listening to me?" His head jolted up as Cartman pulled him out of his own thought, looking around for a moment before his eyes settled on his friends who were now all just staring at him, him staring back like a deer in headlights. 

"Oh, shit, sorry. What.. what are we talking about?" He rubbed the back of his head, lips pursing together to hold back a sigh. 

"I'v been trying to tell you for like five minutes that we are here. Did being in that room make you fucking deaf or something?"

Looking back around him, he now saw that they were outside of the restaurant, the sound of music from inside being heard faintly. To be honest, he wasn't feeling going here, let alone anywhere else. And most of the girls in here knew him, wether it be from his constant flirting or having fucked them at some point, so that wouldn't really be a good thing. Apologizing, they walked in together, soon being seated, the girl doing so giving Kenny his own greeting along with a wink, only getting a reply back of a small nod. 

Kenny flipped through the menu placed before him without really looking at it, not really caring what he had to eat. Eating sounded like too much of a struggle right now, after having eaten only cereal and weeks old Chinese take out that had been left in the fridge, all chugged down with shitty beer. 

"Oh, uhm, hi? I was lookin' for Bebe? Do you know if she's off her shift yet?"

"Lemmie check, one second."

It was a voice that he knew. That he had spoken to for almost every day for the past seven years and that he hadn't been able to get out of his damn mind for the past week. His eyes immediately sought her out, finally seeing her standing by the door. She wore a dress, one that he had actually bought her years ago when they had been at the mall and she had been short on cash, even if it had been the last of his. It still seemed to fit her as well as it had on the day he had bought it. The other boys seemed to have noticed what he was looking so intently at, their voices trying to get his attention back only to fall on deaf ears as he got out from his chair. 

"Marj!" 

Seeing her finally look at him made that all too used grin come onto his face and a look of surprise onto her. That surprise soon turned to shock as his arms wrapped around the small girl, lifting her up as he did hug her. Face now red, she didn't know how to react to what had happened so suddenly, people now starting to look at them as to what was going on. 

"Oh gosh, Ken.. Ken you, 'ya gotta put me down, 'ya squeezing me too hard..." She tried to say, stumbling over her words some as she was finally put down. It was too much to see him, to have him hug her and seem to miss her so much. 

He had expected to see her smile when he finally did put her down and look at her, grin falling as tears started to fall from her own face. 

"Jesus Christ, just stay away from the damn girl, Kenny!" He heard being said as everything started to move too quickly. He was shoved back some as someone went to Marjorine, saying something as comfort before the person turned back to him. Bebe. The one who had originally told her everything that he had hated and blamed instead of himself for those days he kept to his room, but that was so, so right.

"The fuck is wrong with you, Mccormick?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry iv been absent on this for so long ;w;w  
> im rly bad with keeping up with this sorta thing but here u guys go?? what do u think plz leave me comments n shit thank u <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok!! next chapter!!! this one does get kinda strange i guess but depressed kenny?? idk he keeps fucking up you will soon see

"The fuck is wrong with you, Mccormick?"

He felt small. Weak, wrong, and under all of the eyes around him. Breath began to heavy as he bit his lip, eyes afraid to even look up at the two girls now, shoving his hands into his pocket. He had seen the way that Marjorine had looked at him the moment before. As Bebe told him off and she could only look at him, a pitiful sort of thing that felt almost guilty to be looking at him before staring away, probably out of embarrassment. 

She seemed as if she didn't want to be associated with him and it dug deep, deep into his heart with a pain that he didn't understand and wanted to just fuck off. She was too embarrassed to even look at him. He hardly listened as Bebe told him off as eyes still focused on him, hands shoved into pockets now and just waiting for her rant to be over. 

"Are you even listening to me, Mccormick?" She would spit at him again, stepping closer to place a pointing finger on his chest, trying to catch his eyes into her glare.

"Hey, bitch, lay off the white trash." He could hear Cartman call, eyes not moving to recognize anyone in the room. 

"You know, maybe it would be best if you guys just left." Chairs scuffed on the floor as they were pushed out by two boys of the quartet, the heavy boy surprised with this moment to just give up.

"Hey! Wait, I didn't get my damn food!"

"Get up, Fatass. You can get some food later." 

"Jesus- Thanks a lot Kenny." 

The blonde boy just stood there as his friends went to leave the restaurant, giving some sorts of looks to Marjorine to say something that weren't returned. Bebe still stood in front of Kenny, arms crossed over her chest as she waited for him to leave as well. 

Eventually with Stan calling his name, he did start to leave the restaurant, eyes finally looking over to Marjorine, who still adverted her own eyes. 

"Please call me? I.... I can explain the shit, Marj." His voice was soft for once. It was spoke with true meaning to it and apology for what he had done. The only response he got was a small look at him by Marjorine, her eyes teary. A sight that just made that burning feel in his heart intensify. 

The others had congregated outside, looking towards the blonde with pity from most. He soon joined them, a small sigh from his mouth as he just wanted to go back home and crawl back into the burrow he had made in his bedsheets at home. All of this had been too much for the entire day. 

"I think I'm gonna head home, guys." He muttered slightly, eyes down at his feet as he spoke. Guilt filled him as he blamed himself for having probably now just wasted all of the others times with his emotions that he just couldn't keep under fucking control again. 

"I don't think thats a good idea, Kenny. Come on, we can just go over to my house? My moms not going to be home until later." Kyle suggested, a slight smile on his face as he tried to lift the others spirits. "Stan has to go to practice and Cartmans being an asshole, so we can just go hang out if you want?"

"Fuck you, Jew." Cartman would just spit back. They were so used to these insults by now that they seemed to not really have that much effect on either of them. 

With a sigh, even besides his own better thoughts, of course he fucking agreed to it. He felt bad for having just been like this all day long, knowing that the others probably had better things to do, but he also did know how Kyle was someone who could perhaps help him to reason with all of this. It was soon that the two went off, Stan leaving with a pat on the back for Kenny and a wish for wellness and Cartman telling him that it was just one girl, that he would get over it soon enough. He wished. The walk to the red haired males house was quiet, not much out of either's mouth. The occasional comment from Kyle on something that he saw or thought of was it really. Even if the walk was less than twenty minutes, it felt like hours between the dense fog of silence from each other. He would hope for the best, but luck hadn't quite been on his side for most of the week. 

 

 

The night hadn't been as awful as he really expected. After all that happened, it felt better to just be around one rather than the entire group, knowing that he would of just wanted to go home the entire time if it had been that. Now, he only wanted to go home half the time. The two had mostly avoided the subject of what had been clouding the tallers mind for what felt like forever, instead watching some shitty TLC shows, making comments that had, for once in a while, made him actually laugh. Felt like before all the shit that had happened. At a point, Kyle's mother had come home, leading to him being forced to pull smiles and eat dinner with the Broflovski's, not being allowed to excuse himself. With it growing dark and late soon, the boys mother hadn't allowed him to go home, speaking of something like the dangers of going out so late, even if he was usually what the danger late at night was, forcing him to stay the night. Now, Kyle prepared for bed, in the bathroom as Kenny changed into something he could actually sleep in in the others room. 

He felt awful about the entire thing. Having just watched as Bebe told his friend down like that, the way that he could tell how much this entire thing was hurting his close friend. The state that he had even found the other in just making him worried about what he might do to himself. He knew what people did to themselves when they got to be that depressed, when their lives seemed that low, seeing the starts of it with Kenny. Being friends with the other for so long, he had seen the other get depressed. Become reclusive and fucked up before and turn to things that he only took just to fuck himself up, to forget about all the stupid fucking shit that went on in his friend's life. However, it had never been as bad as he had seen now. As skipping school for an entire week and not being able to even get into the shower without being forced into it. It scared him.

As the thought of finding his friend dead passed through his mind, he spit out his toothpaste, shaking his head lightly to get rid of the horrible thought that he knew would only make him more concerned about this entire thing. Returning back to his room, he found the sight of Kenny, who was more than a size or two larger to him trying to fit into some tee shirt that he had found, only for it to seem to not even be able to get over his shoulders, laughing at the sight of his friend struggling there before seeming to just give up on wearing his his boxers to bed. 

"Jesus christ, Kyle. I forgot how fucking short you are." There was the trailer trash that he knew, with a toothy grin and messy hair. It was good to see him like this, albeit even if he knew that by morning come, and school come, that that mood would be lost. 

"Hey, sorry that I'm not some fucking giant man. You're just too damn tall. Come on, my moms gonna yell at me if I don't go to bed soon." The shorter headed over to his bed, hoping to get some good nights sleep before Monday tomorrow. However, Kenny didn't seem to really want to go to bed just yet, moving to flop ontop of the boys covers, groaning in a sort of whine to get him to not go to bed. 

"Kenny, we have to go to school tomorrow. Just go to bed." Kyle told him as he turned the light off, trying to get under the covers of his bed the best he could with Kenny mostly on them. 

The thought of school just made him feel sick. He knew that he would only see her there, them sharing a majority of their classes together, in most seated almost right next to one another. He had avoided it all for a reason. For knowing that they would be partnered together, knowing that she would probably try to avoid talking to him, that everything would feel as if they had never even been friends in the first place, a thought that just scared the shit out of him. The feeling that the girls that had protected her from him would only look at him, that word would spread of the little event that had happened at Raisins. That him, who usually didn't give a shit what anyone thought about him, would be reduced to someone that would try to get attention to anyone. He stayed silent, just laying there in the darkness, eyes staring up at the glow in the dark stars that the group had placed on the top of the boys ceiling years ago and that only seemed to give some sort of faint glow anymore. He didn't know how long he had just been laying there until he did slowly move atop the covers closer to his friend. 

"Hey, Kyle?"

"Yeah, Ken?"

"I'm sorry for all of this shit. For acting like some fucking emo teenager and doing all this shit. Its fucking stupid, but, I don't even understand all this stuff I'm feeling and its frustrates me and I just feel like a piece of shit for acting like this around all of you guys. Fuck, I seemed to fucking pathetic, didn't I? I didn't even want to leave my own room for days, but I miss her Kyle. And now I'm spilling all this pussy fucking shit out to you and fuck, I should just stop talking shouldn't I?" He could hear a small sigh from the other and a pair of eyes meet his own in the darkness. 

"Kenny, you aren't being some emo angsty ass teen. You're just a fucking teenager. We all are. We all feel shit that we don't understand and watch our friends go through other shit that we don't get either and it fucking sucks. But, I'm worried about you man.. I mean, I thought you just didn't want to see her at school and were staying at home, but the way that I saw you earlier... I get scared man. Scared that you're gonna.. kill yourself or something, I don't know. I don't want to have to watch one of my best friends go through all that stuff and know that I should of done something to help them. You need to get out of all of this man. I know, I know she was one of your best friends, but you still have us man. I know we aren't the same and that its going to fucking hurt for a while, but in the long run, its for the better. Like, go to school tomorrow, man. Try to get over some shit and actually eat some stuff that isn't cereal or booze or you're going to turn into just some bones. And get some fucking febreeze spray for your room for that weed smell man." 

Kenny tried to just laugh, but he found that he was almost going to cry. Kyle was right, as it felt like he always was and it made him feel like some piece of shit. He couldn't say that he hadn't thought about it, about just fucking ending all this shit to help Marjorine's life be easier, but he knew that that wouldn't solve shit, that he would just wake up the next morning with scars on his wrists. Or whatever fashion he would try to end it all. The tears had started to fall without his knowing again, not even really bothering to try and stop them now. Things were fucked up and they both knew it now. 

"I'm a fucking mess, Kyle. I-I know you're fucking right that I need to get over all of this, but I don't know what to fucking do man. I don't even fucking get whats going on." His voice seemed to become more panicked with each word that he spoke, those tears starting to feel like rivers on his face as he didn't know what to do, Kyle only looking back at him until the gingers hands moved to either side of the boys face and teen lips pressed onto lips to just stop his words. It was with what seemed to be no thought from Kenny that he just kissed him back, mind too caught up in its self to know what he was doing, just needing a fucking way to get all of this out and stop that wasn't getting high or drunk. 

Kyle didn't feel right about doing it. About kissing one of his close friends just to make him feel better about himself, just to make his nerves calm down and those tears stop falling from his eyes. To do so even when he and Stan had some sort of own strange relationship, knowing to hide this from his best friend. However, he just let the hick kiss him and soon, hold him, until those tears stopped and lips stopped moving and a small sorry would squeak from his lips as Kenny spoke. 

He let it all happen, hoping that this would all just be forgotten by tomorrow morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what did you guys think of that shit??? idk how you guys will feel about this but dont worry, this story is bunny, so just remember that. it's coming soon my friends  
> thank u for reading n plz leave a review telling me what you want!!


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